Monday, November 16, 2009

Cross Roads

Wow have I posted on my blog allot lately. I think I am doing it as part of the anxiety of Adam's suicide. I know that for the most part the postings have been more of a ramble than an organized letter.

One of the things that I have not talked about was that Adam and I got together a few days before he committed suicide. Adam had discussed moving to New Zeland. He had discussed how his marriage was over but it was mutual and that he was accepting of the situation.

At this time I have to accept that Adam was telling me the truth, but with his suicide I doubt Adam was being honest with me. I will forgive Adam for that as he was a very private person. It was part of our overall conversation, but the discussion was about a cross roads, and how he was excited about going home.

He had mentioned that he was interested in a project with his dad, and with his sister. I will admit a part of me was disappointed in losing my friendship with Adam. Now I have to admit that I have learned many things from what has happened, and I would not lose anything if Adam had gone to New Zeland with his family, that my relationship would have just been one of long distance.

I had also talked to Adam about my cross roads. I am at place in life where I have choices and those choices and one of those cross roads is what to do with Power Pro Wrestling. I would like to honor Adam in a nice way and do something worth his respect. Everyone had memorial shows in Vancouver and I am sure they are very nice, but I had very private conversations with Adam and we talked about what wrestling should be and can be once again.

I would like to have a memorial show worth his name and ideals of what wrestling is. I am going to talk to a few people and see what can be done, and make a decision with my life once and for all.

Shaun

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Weight Off My Chest

Being one day after Adam's funeral service and talking to his family, it seems that I have had a bit of weight off my chest. I sat with Ken and his wife at the service, Ken being MR THUG, and the man I was in the car accident with. More on that in a moment.

I seem to be able to breath a bit today. Maybe its a little easier with the closure of a funeral service. I know that there is another service today, and I asked Ken if he wanted to attend, and he said that he had said his piece. I know that churches are difficult for Ken to enter, not due to his religious beliefs, but his personal beliefs. At least that is the vibe I get from Ken.

The weather isn't the best today, but I look outside and the air is cool, and the air is clean and I wonder what Adam is doing. Some time ago, Adam had mentioned to me that his dream was to work in the video division for WWE and spend the rest of his life making DVDs with obscure matches and themes. With Adams creativity I am sure he would have made some interesting DVD's for Vince to sell.

Now just so all of you know, Ken was the driver in an accident that I was in several weeks ago with Adam. We where traveling home from a wrestling show in Campbell River and while we were driving home a 600 lb six point, two sector Elk that stood over 10ft tall hit the van that Ken was driving. Now I have to say this, Ken saved our lives. His defensive driving experience aloud me to come home the next day.

Yesterday that is all that ran through my head, how did we live through it just for Adam to take his life a few weeks later. Now Ken did mention something to me that I agreed with, and that he believed that his defensive driving skills gave Adam more time with his son, and I totally agree with that.

Now, I have put allot of thought into some things that have happened over the last few days. Two memorial shows for Adam, his service, offers to help offset the cost of his funeral and a fund to start an education fund for Adams son Thomas.

I am not sure where i stand on helping those funds as I have some personal issues that are entwined with the church that Adam was a member of. The Mormon church tends to take tithing from people income and I am not interested in supporting a fund that could possibly be raided for the benefit a religious organization that I am not to fond of. If it can be shown to me that the fund will not be touched, then I will make every effort to help that cause.

I am glad I rediscovered my blog, as it has acted as a sound board for me to talk to. I am not sure how many people are logging on to my site anymore, but it feels good to get this out and off my chest.

With all that said today, I am going to sit back, watch some CFL and NFL football today and relax and remember my friend Adam.

Shaun Myall

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Healing for Adams family and friends.

Today was a difficult day. It was Adams funeral. I am very angry, upset and confused. I met Adams family today, they are absolutely destroyed at the fact that Adam is no longer with us.

Now, I am not religious nor do I have any affiliations with organized religion. I can see how people will use church to help them deal with their grief and emotions. Now I am not educated in the world of religion, but I do have faith, and I also know that there is a reason for us all being here.

But what entwined Ken, Adam and myself to have this bond at the end of Adams life? Was the accident means to Adams end? Was it really designed by god? What is the moral to the story?

Is the moral "Live passionately as Adam did, and I will take your life and your son away from you"? I don't think so. I sure hope not. Now I am at a cross road. There is another issue that I have to deal with and accept. Why did he do it, and I will never know. For Adam his decision was made and its final. For me I will always wonder why. It is my nature. I won't ask questions of the family, its wrong to do so. I just hope that the families can move from this day, do what they need to heal, and take some solace in the fact that Adam IS and ALWAYS will be remembered.

Thank you for all the laughs Adam.


Shaun Myall

Friday, November 13, 2009

See you again Adam.

This is a little letter to a friend.

ADAM

What is the definition of a father - the founder of a family.

What is the definition of a Son – a male child; the male offspring of a parent father and mother.

What is the definition of a brother – a male with the same parents as another child, sibling or a relative you share your life with.

What is the definition of a husband - a married man; a woman's partner in marriage

What is the definition of a friend - a person you know well and regard with affection and trust.

What is the definition of brotherhood - brotherhood, fraternity, sodality
people engaged in a particular occupation, the feeling that men should treat one another like brothers.

What is the definition of friendship - the state of being friends; friendly relation, or attachment to a person, or between persons; affection arising from mutual esteem and good will; friendliness; amity

Those are the definitions of a typical person, but we all know that Adam was far and away more then those basic definitions of a person.

What is in a name – For some a name fits and it can easily describe one person. For Adam it was an exact fit. According to Genesis in the Old Testament - Adam created from the earth by God, or of the Earth, It can also be derived from Hebrew name ADAM meaning "to be red" which is ironic as his wrestling trunks where red.

As I write about Adam, I am just starting to understand the things that Adam believed in….. We should learn from Adam, start to look at ourselves and take things from Adam and apply them to our lives and learn from him, become the brother, son, father, husband, friend that he is.

Just scratching the surface of Adam, I am just starting to understand his passion, love, respect that defined him as the great person he is. Passion , that word so aptly describes Adam, and how he took on life. When I met Adam, I could tell quickly he had passion for the activities he pursued in life, such as his family, for his son.

One of our activities that started to become part of our friendship was the search for that DVD for his son. Now I am sure Adam enjoyed watching the DVD he would find just as much as, or even more so than his son Thomas. I can see them both sitting or laying on the floor watching Transformers. I can see Adam, once the DVD was finished of course, going getting the box of Transformers out and acting out the Transformers DVD that he and his son just enjoyed together.

That is what impressed me the most about Adam. That he was a father first. I am not impressed by the ropes he climbed or the things he said. But let me say this, I am impressed with who he was as a father. His passion for his son was what made me admire him so much. Adam was many things to many people, but I closing let me say this.

Adam is and always will be
A Friend
A Son
A Brother
A Husband
And a Father.


Talk to you again soon Adam. You will be greatly missed by people who loved you more, but I will miss you just the same.